her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
