I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
