So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
