Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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