You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
