I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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