I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
