you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
