wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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