What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My brain says no but my pants say off.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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