I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
