Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
