Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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