i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
