You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This baby is an asshole
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
