Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
