i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
