you have to choose: penises or morals?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
