oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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