i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
