I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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