I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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