NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
