We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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