Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
