dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
