Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
