Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
