Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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