yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
