I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
