Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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