I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
