Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
