I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
