I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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