I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
