i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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