I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
