Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
