Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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