i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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