it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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