And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
