she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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