the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
