I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
