SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
