: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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