Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
