He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
