I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
