First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
