I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm at about main and main street
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
