can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
