I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
